Some Thoughts

Ah…I’m back; just had to reset my account since I’d forgotten both my username and password. I can’t believe that it’s been 6 months since my last one. (Not that anyone actually reads this.) Also not that I’ll be blogging regularly now, but at least I’ll have the option. And options are good–at least usually.

So I’ve done a lot of reading in the past 6 months, the most significant of which is definitely Jonathan Edwards’ Dissertation on the End for which God Created the World, which is included in its entirety in John Piper’s God’s Passion for His Glory, where I read it. This view of God and of all reality has become the core understanding of my theology, worldview, and day-to-day (in theory, at least). Also in the list (for my own purposes, really) are: The Christian Pilgrim, The Excellency of Christ, The Preciousness of Time, Procrastination: the Sin and Folly of Depending on Future Time, (so far) the first II parts of his Religious Affections, and the majority of Dissertation on the Nature of True Virtue–all by Jonathan Edwards. Also: Desiring God (finally!), Don’t Waste Your Life, and The Passion of Jesus Christ, not to mention scores of sermons and articles, by John Piper; also Life of God in the Soul of Man by Henry Scougal; TwentySomeone by Craig Dunham and Doug Serven; The Emerging Church by Doug Kimball, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliott, Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand, about half of The Forgotten Spurgeon by Iain Murray, and made some major headway in Paradise Lost by John Milton. I’ve also nearly completed Luther’s De Servo Arbitrio–not that I’m reading it in Latin–also known as On the Bondage of the Will. (A worthy rant, though I’m eager to finish Edwards’ Freedom of the Will–which I will probably get much more from.) Also finished John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, which (along with some of Brainard’s early diary entries) started this whole thing–as you’ll see below (above?).

There was also a short season wherein it seemed that only old poetry could bring me any peace. It was then that I began making serious headway in Milton, and delved into all my old college notes from Bauman’s classes. Thomas Grey, Gerard Manly Hopkins, some Wordsworth, John Donne, others by Milton. God-besotted word-beauty can pull my soul from the slough like few other things–or at least bring me comfort amidst the struggle out. I’m sure I’m forgetting many other authors here, but I think I’ve accomplished my main goal–to capture a picture of where my mind and heart have been lingering these past few months.

Some of what I consider to be my best messages have been preached during this time. But all of that is nothing–meaningless. It has been one of the most difficult times of my life–all around. Which is probably why I’ve flown to all this great truth and beauty–perhaps not enough to the Word. I have felt so far from true communion with God–that which Scougal says is the true nature of religion–it has been truly numbing. I have spent many sleepless nights, waiting, watching, speechless before a (seemingly, faith says) empty expanse–some at the ocean staring into the black longing to see the heavens rolled away like a scroll, the world fall away and the heavens revealed before my eyes. Utter alone-ness. I have felt, and dealt with, loneliness before. But never alone-ness such as this. Psalm 42 [show] As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. [2]My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? [3]My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" [4]These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. [5]Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation [6]and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. [7]Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me. [8]By day the LORD commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. [9]I say to God, my rock: "Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?" [10]As with a deadly wound in my bones, my adversaries taunt me, while they say to me all the day long, "Where is your God?" [11]Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
and 43 have been a great help to me, along with Romans 8 [show] There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. [2]For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. [3]For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, [4]in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. [5]For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. [6]For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. [7]For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. [8]Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. [9]You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. [10]But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. [11]If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. [12]So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. [13]For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. [14]For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. [15]For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" [16]The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, [17]and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. [18]For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. [19]For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. [20]For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope [21]that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. [22]For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. [23]And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. [24]For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? [25]But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. [26]Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. [27]And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. [28]And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. [29]For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. [30]And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. [31]What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? [32]He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? [33]Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. [34]Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. [35]Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? [36]As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." [37]No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. [38]For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, [39]nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (ESV)
and “the great sixth of John,” as Bunyan called it. The culmination of which hope I poured into my most recent message, “Hope in God!” which I gave at ONELIFE. I think it was encouraging.

I am moving on from this place. To where, I don’t yet know–but I hope, I pray, I beg, that it is God-inspired and according to His perfect plan. For that is all my desire, and all my design. That’s it for now.